My Home Sweet Home

2008-08-09T23:33:00.002+08:00

woops. super long din post here d. lol. cause of some reasons, im addicted to pixnet. and created an account there. lol. will seldom blog here d i guess. hehe. by the way, 1 more day till my piano exam. scared wey!! haha. this week non stop practising. god bless me. :)

tomorrow will start the etika's intensive course adi. 3 months. every weekend have to attend classes in segi college. sigh. trial as well coming. and soon SPM!! got the timetable for SPM adi. it doesnt look upset, in fact we are quite comfortable with it. and i counted! its actually only 9 days for us. truly cant wait till then. i'll totally go crazy. hehe.

btw, tomorrow will be going for movie after class. accompany pek~~ sobb sobb. im gona be light bulb there. aiks aiks. what to do. since im a good goood friend. =)

hehes. good nite :)

Pictures with JYM

2008-07-28T15:14:00.006+08:00

SMKSU 学生与 JYM 的大合照 ^^

JYM 和两位 MC 在台上...

JYM在唱歌~ 跟台下的观众互动...

粉丝们纷纷排队取得JYM的签名与合照

华文学会筹委与JYM的合照

JYM被学记访问过程中...

ME AND JYM!! HEEHEE ^^

JAZZ AND ME WITH JYM ^^

SAY CHEESSsE!!

THE CARD FOR JYM =D

2008-07-27T15:58:00.003+08:00

finally it's over! woke up so early in the morning today to prepare for this activity. truly exhausted now. super excited when i met Jym. he's really nice and friendly in person. hehe. we took some pics with him. will upload later =)

im relieved. although this activity didnt really work like whatever super big performance. but at least, it went fine throughout. not as bad as what i expected. now is time for me to really concentrate on my studies adi! T.T

well, yesterday i watched Astro 新秀大赛 Final! for sure. lol. and wan qian got first place! applause~~ was so nervous when the judges were deciding to vote for anyone of them. haha. anyhow, i favour wan qian more. hehe. and she won! *winks

im super duper hungry!! sob sob. havent eat since 6 in the morning. aww, im smart enough to tell my parents not to ta bau for me :) lol. go and find food now lu! tata!

2008-07-26T00:42:00.007+08:00

The old violin and the new violin...

The brand new one...

Webcam-ing with my dearest sister in Australia...

The brown little cute doggy locked in the cage...

2008-07-23T22:28:00.002+08:00

due to the replacement of school day on this saturday, our talent competition is delayed to sunday, 10am to 1.30pm. but it looks like there are still many problems that we havent solve yet. date and time are moved at last minute. so we have to annouce all once again. the flyers have to change and stuff. everything is going messy. but there's still a good news, we had successed to invite Jym 庄靖毅, an artist, as the guest of this activity. but now, just received a call from kz, the PA system that we wanted earlier, has failed. cause of the changes. it's a sunday and the price will be 3 times more expensive than the initial one. omg, that's too much man. for sure it has been rejected, as we will not be able to afford rm1200 for it. kz will try hard to rent from CF, but i guess it might not be a success. and the last and only choice is, rent from the school, which is not an easy job too. and worrying that it might not be a good one. anyhow, we must sell Jym's albums in these few days time. let's make it a success! gogogo :)

World's Top Crazy Fun Fair

2008-07-23T21:46:00.008+08:00

Observe carefully, it's a place of games.

This is one of them.

looks scary?

or fun?

Do you dare to sit on it?

I'm willing to try, it looks exciting.

2008-07-22T19:47:00.002+08:00

after all the actitivities, life's soon getting bored again. so unhappening days of mine. wanted to post but i found nothing to write. everyday is like same routine. keep repeating and repeating, what a never ending story. life. this saturday will be the talent competition adi. tickets are selling at rm5. i really hope, it may not be a very good one, but at least, a fine one.

i start to care for his existence. wth? always looking for him. errgg.... this feeling is making me super uncomfortable. im not used to it, at all. seriously, weird, weird, and weird...!! how could i? i wonder.. and i even start to feel something stupid whenever i see her.

it comes so sudden. i guess it's not a real one. it's just an illusion.. illusion huh? or.. it's probably just a.. ah.. friends or whatever. but definitely, never, never be more than that!

2008-07-18T22:59:00.002+08:00

not that happy in school today. cause of that thingy, i felt quite sad about the condition at that moment. actually i almost cried too. lol, funny. somehow things are getting better i guess. got my new violin just today. hehe. gona take super good care of it.

another thing, i feel damn weird after those activities. oh gosh, seriously, it's like weird feelings between us. im not sure whether he feels that way too. but i can sense that, something is growing inside me. impossible man. things are not going right. it feels comfortable, but it doesnt feel right. wait for some time, everything will be swept away soon. yeah? but im afraid, if the feeling's getting stronger. normally it wouldnt be like this rite. yeap...

trial is just around the corner!! super scared wey. sob sob..

2008-07-13T08:03:00.003+08:00

wa, very long didnt post adi eh. these few weeks super busy. worrying about my studies, trial is coming very soon, yet im still busy with other activities. sigh. last few days keep practising badminton with yz they all. actually it was quite fun. cause i seldom have friends to play badminton with. and it is my only favourite sport.

aiks, should be a lot to write about last week. but i didnt find any free time to blog, now i forgot everything. swts. never mind, not wasting time here already. there are still a lot to do. tired.. wake up!!

2008-07-09T21:16:00.010+08:00

第一次相遇……
他和她没有任何交触
也没有注意对方存在

第二次相遇……
他和她巧合之下开始聊天玩笑
偶尔眼神交触
彼此不禁笑了起来也不知怎么回事

第三次相遇……
她认定了他只要点他帮忙

他们只是每两三个月见一次面
但还是觉得这种感觉很特别

她开始偶尔想他
再暗地里笑自己傻瓜
竟在这种情况下心里突然多了个他

虽然只是个很小很小的位置
但还是觉得她与他的相遇很奇妙
偶尔更会猜想他会不会想起她
还是根本没把她摆在心上

也许身为这种职业
这或许只是他工作的一份子
每天这么多不一样的顾客
他也许对每个人都一视同仁

可是对于她
却希望对于他
自己是众多里最特别的一位

如今的她
期待着两个月后

第四次的相遇……

2008-07-06T22:17:00.004+08:00

yo im back from johor. haha. si jie's baby girl was soo cute! hehe. i went to saloon as usual, treatment and cut as usual, chatting with him as usual, and im getting in love with it. lolz! dont know whether im the one over sensitive or what. too much to say, but im not going to mention them here. hehe. he's just so observant, and cute. haha. okay, 13th of october. ahh, im always like this. naa, forget it.

went to eat the famous kajang satay when we were on the way back. i remember there was where he brought me to. suddenly a kind of feeling rushed into my mind. and i felt that, i was so insane. those days, i din know how could i be such an innocent girl. what a bad memories in my life. aniway, its over.

dont know what happen to my msn. simply send pple some stupid link. hrm, dont know why. this time, im really quite sure about it, about my feelings. i know what is that happening. and i find that, im never what i used to be. in some way, i know i've changed. and im sure, it's never a bad thing. =)

2008-06-30T16:04:00.010+08:00

i dont know why i was so angry last saturday. i just dont like the feeling and the way he behaved. yeah, obviously i knew he was unhappy. but i think he was just too sensitive. by the way this is not the main problem. its like, pls la, dont show your anger if u want to follow, dont follow if u dont feel like it. rite? i was angry either. till yesterday night, we debated about it. i was so angry when we were in this topic. but my mind keep reminding me that, it was not a big matter. in addition, i didnt find any good reason for myself to be that angry, or to complain about anything. nothing at all. im not supposed to feel that way. yea rite.

phew, everything has settled somehow. forget it.

now this coming saturday. im really worried that things could not go well. i think it's meaningless to let it remain in this condition and continue going. it went well every year. somehow i dont dare to imagine how will it be for this year. really will be like super weird if the whole thing left only singing category. cant be possible rite. somemore the participants are so few. can u imagine how's the scene, having so big place, having nice decorations, everything looks wow. and then.... things later on, cant even think of it. walau still saying want to invite idol? if can of course everyone wishes, but sometimes we just have to be more logic and rational rite. if the condition doesnt allow, then forget it. if everyone is so cooperate and willing to do their part more responsible, what's the problem man, go for it! but now, see what? sad to say that, no, not at all. we are totally not prepared. it will just end up embarrassing. i know my words might be too harsh, but i cant deny, this is the fact.

anyway, i'll go back to kota tinggi this saturday. the new born baby is one month old! so fast lor. will be meeting the big happy family again! and of course, saloon!! haha.

owh ya. i saw my damn super old friend yesterday at the bm seminar in UM. really super shocked when she suddenly appeared to say hi. i hesitated for a short second, recalling this familiar fair girl in my mind. shocked lor. we used to be quite good friend in primary school eh. mei syuen, haven seen her for 5 years adi ler. so kiu lor. she's still the same old face, the only change is her long hair. lol. what a good feeling to meet an old friend. =)

2008-06-23T19:28:00.004+08:00

i had a real contented weekend. cause of the school's talent quest audition. chinese society was responsible for the decoration of the stage. everyone was blaming yz for choosing this category. lol! cause it was a super hard work. we stayed in school since morning till evening. just to prepare all those decoration stuff. but i went home a bit earlier cause had piano lesson. actually it was quite fun to do stuff together as a group. we joke, we play, we do. figuring out things together. then at night i went to yc's house. walau eh. my first step into his house. i stunted. in my mind, this house is kind of... weird. there was a pond inside the house. a super weird pond. the shape of this house was special. i dont know how to describe. then super many buddha stuff around. i shocked. his family follow fengshui i guess. lol. later on the few of us started to talk about ghost stories. walau. stories non stop. damn scary lor. these two days i dont dare to switch off the light at night man. swts.

so lets move on to sunday. i woke up at 6.30am. i reached school at 7am. o my god! it was a sunday u know?! even on normal school days i usually reach school at 7.30am lor! fine then, when we just wanted to start working, we realised we couldnt open the door of the store beside the stage. and our things were all kept inside. trying to climb in. lol. but realised it was too dangerous. quite high. after bout an hour, finally! we opened up the door by using sharp equipment to unlock it. phew. now work starts. everyone helping each other to put up those decorations on the board and wall. climbing up and down. spent us almost 4 hrs. all of us super hungry. yz's mum bought us pizzas and we went out to buy cold drinks. we ate like we had never eaten for few days. haha. teachers praised us for doing a good job. they said the deco was very nice. though we all dont think so. we felt there were still many places which were imperfect. anyway, we had tried our best.

then, another o my god. never thought that this talent quest thingy will take so long period to end. we all waited like crazy. almost fell asleep. keep complaining to each other about the singing part was too long and its getting super boring. keep counting how many participants left. super sian lor. took about 6 hrs for singing. and finally! dancing! the only moment we waited for whole day long like stupid. many groups were actually quite good. super high. the audience keep cheering and screaming all the way. everything ended at 8.30pm. and as the crew, we had to clear up stuff and all. super tired lor. first time i stayed in school till night. remember i'd never wanted to be in school at night. cause i knew there were many 'things' around. heard too many stories happening. but never thought it was that dark and scary. luckily there were bunch of friends walking together.

just heard a super big news. mother told me that chunwei, my cousin, was sent into hospital. high fever didnt recover for few days. and now, predicting it might be leukemia. i shocked. damn in a sudden. he's younger than me u know. just 16 if im not wrong. some more his family is like some sort of problem family. sigh, just hope it will not be real lor.

2008-06-18T21:20:00.002+08:00

never know that, i actually care that much for friendship. tears nearly dropped when i was talking to him about it. i didnt try what he taught me to do. i guess i really cant make the move. but i've tried really hard in other ways adi. though things are getting better, but i know it will never be as before. as i know, violence can result in broken bones, perhaps leaving a scar or two. or at worst, physical disability. however a wounded heart may never heal. physical injuries can be seen, but not so with a wounded heart. it is unseen. and if it is unresolved, it might become worse. anyhow, if she feels better like this, so be it.

recently i always think about some stuff. i cant read his mind. i dont know how to describe my feelings towards him. definitely not those special ones. though we seem much more than normal friends. but i dont see there is any thing that could really happen in future. the weird one is, i can feel something when i always see Q in school. im sure it's not a good one. we actually did smile to each other a little last time. yet we act as if we never see each other now. or perhaps im over sensitive? i dont know. no matter how, it's not important rite. something real funny, these few days i keep thinking about the possibilities with K after my spm. what is going to happen next, and even guessing will he be my future husband. lol! damn stupid man. maybe brain too free adi. by the way, studies still stand first by now. today chatted a lot with kei. when we discussed about those thingy, we made up a conclusion. we want the next one to be the last and stable one. that is why we dont easily make any decision now, but we think twice. the most important is, of course it must be after spm.

there are many speeches and career talks in school this week. im getting even blur about my future as the time gets nearer and nearer. almost lost. i dont know what is my interest. what actually suits me. which decision should i make. too many things to worry and think about. there are so many options. and about that thingy, it's also quite interrupting me. hrm. never mind. study hard now, and aim for good results in trials and spm first. right.

2008-06-14T22:06:00.004+08:00

saturday. went for a meeting early in the morning. phew, it's time for the juniors to replace the seniors, in august. after lunch, daddy brought me to monash university to look around for the open day. the brand new building. there were students leading us for campus tour. then looked for some information about the courses. was quite attracted to medical courses after the tour around the medicine building. saw those equipments. fake patients, checking the heartbeats and all. it seemed so interesting. first time i had the thought of studying doctor. lol. but then the course duration is super long lor. all together need 9 yrs. and the fees also damn expensive. hrm, seems like parents kind of want me to study in monash. they think that it will be better there. as my brother also studying in monash currently. anyway, it's still early for me to think about it lar.

actually wanted to meet 'chi ji' with pk and yz today. then this morning pk said it had been canceled cause of some reasons. around 3pm suddenly he called and asked whether i can go now. i was like, huh? he said it was a sudden change. but then i was in monash that moment. and there was piano lesson later on. so i couldnt make it lor. sigh, never mind. sister has sent home a cake and roses for father's day! haha. but u know what, the cake became like dont know what kind of weirdy shape. kemek adi. haha. heard from mummy, shi jie had a new born baby girl. looking forward to meet this little cuzzy's daughter. hehe. then li jie is pregnant also. di jie ler, going to get married in sarawak this coming september. wow, good news in one shot huh. hehs.

2008-06-13T23:20:00.003+08:00

not that happy in school today. cause of some reasons. that i actually cared a lot, yet she never realised. by the way not going to mention bout it. after school, there was a meeting again. about the talent competition. another sad case. everything was like not well prepared. the committees were not cooperate. and there had a big fight again. then dw smashed on the table, scolded like hell, stood up and straight out from the class. everyone was like, stunted. later on, jazz, too, frustrated. and the meeting ended up. left the few of us, discussing about this thingy. she cried. i can understand the feelings, remember i was once like her too. it's really super stress. when things are not going right, and you're the one controlling the whole program. damn stress and worried de lor. especially when the committees are not cooperating. as if you're the only one who is carrying the whole thing. sigh. actually i'm really worried about it also. i think it's really too hard for us to do this super big program. we dont have much experience also. when she cried, i felt so too. haiz. anyway, hope it could turn better later on.

then i went back to chinese class. here the exam papers were distributed. starting to press on my calculator, again and again. lol. to double check. cause i couldnt believe the marks that i've got. first time since form4. chinese man. lol. some more thought my essay was quite bad. but it came out not too bad. teacher also quite smart. haha. she asked whether the essay was real about myself. yeap. she says she can see that. haha. then back home. as usual, violin lesson, then practised piano and singing. had singing lesson, ended quite late today. just reached home only. tired. something funny. he suddenly asked me, know what's my name? i hesitated for a short while. feeling weird that why he asks this question not in the first class but months later. lol. errr... jun liang? his reaction was like, huh?! shocked. then i huh? lol. only i know, people usually calls him jimmy i guess. teacher jimmy will do, he says. haha. okay. then what interesting was, i tried to sing an italian art song today. he just wanted to give me a little try. then he taught me to pronounce those italian words. like attending language class only. haha. but then it was quite fun. phew, sleepy adi.

2008-06-12T23:36:00.006+08:00

phew. now even busier before the holidays. im getting my engine started, study mood. rarely touch the computer nowadays. it's like, wow. how could i stand not to touch even the mouse for one day?! haha. nothing is impossible yea? actually should be sleeping by now, but couldnt stand not blogging for like few days adi. haha. normally almost everyday i post. but hardly find a little free time to blog, so here my sleeping time is sacrificed. okay, results were out, exam papers were back. except for physics and mathematics. border line. not to say very super bad, but i dont like the results. these results are not what i wished for the coming spm. now i start to study everyday. though after school and tuitions it left not much time for a day, at least i've gone through something. then everyday spend 1 hour to practise my piano exam pieces. then sometimes a little nap in the afternoon. time is like 'zoom' in a click. sigh, super worry about the trials and spm. i got not enough time to prepare. argh. regret regret. nvm, start now better than never start. some more it's like many stuffs and activities in june and july. cry man.

okay okay, switch topic. lets talk about K. he called yesterday. i think we are better like this, friends. normal conversation. talk about things happening around us. some advices and stuffs. and then, that thingy about P, i've actually thought about what he said. though P might be like what we have discussed. but maybe i feel like, no harm if it's true also. cause i never expect anything to happen between us. it's probably just a slightly different way of keeping in touch. yup. or maybe to say that, i'm not that stupid either. lol. damn sleepy adi. yawnss.

2008-06-09T17:49:00.005+08:00

i started to play with the second piece, that i've practised repeatedly. just the first 2 pages. i was like, so many wrongs. stuck and stopped. and i had 7 pages to go. okay, after the first 2 pages, i stopped. i knew what miss leong wanted to say. i thought she would say that i was bad. "okay, here tell me your problems." i shocked. tears started to roll into my eyes. i felt so guilty. "i dont know.. i did practise.. but dont know why, i just cant play well.. there are still many mistakes.." that i was actually trying hard to hide my tears. then she continued, "did you practise page by page, and emphasize on your weaknesses?" hard feelings suddenly ran in. my face went red, holding back my tears even harder. how would i dont know, that was the only way to practise and to play better. i felt depressed because my answer was a yes. sigh. then she told me i left not much time till the exam. she even predicted my results. i was like, seriously wanted to cry. what should i do. i guess i really have to practice like hell.

miss leong says she couldnt figure out why teacher winnie wanted me to play this piece. it is considered as a diploma piece. i couldnt handle it well as it's not my standard yet, i'm still far behind. cause of some reasons, she thinks that teacher winnie is not a good teacher at all, it's even like, she doesnt want me to pass. if it's miss leong, she will never choose this piece, it's damn long, super fast and hard. i wonder why every time during teacher winnie's lessons, she can be like so damn enjoying and relaxing herself, she doesnt care at all. while miss leong teaches until like so damn difficult. she gives her best to teach me. i should have replaced a more responsible piano teacher at the beginning. sigh. but i know, i shouldnt have blame on teacher. i have to rely on myself still. 2 more months to go. wipe off my tears. i believe practice makes perfect, right?

2008-06-08T22:06:00.002+08:00

went to subang parade this afternoon, to watch some magic show. sat there wait like super long, with teng. that mc really damn a lot to say. keep saying gona start gona start but still, havent yet. till finally, it started. was quite nice, and funny at times. there were magicians from all over the world. some magics were really amazing. didnt know how they worked. but still, i dont believe in magic. i believe there are still tricks, just that we dont know. haha. there was this hongkong magician. super yeng, playing with those cds. and the korean one. his robotic dance, walau, everyone applauded. hehe. especially i love to see guys dance, super attractive one. haha. then had dinner with my family. brother spent us today, haha. actually he wanted to spend us during daddy's birthday. but cause of some reasons, dragged till today.

very tired. today have to sleep earlier. tomorrow will be school day again. sigh. holidays at last ended. cry man. everything will be like back to normal. busy and tiring days, hardly can rest. im sick of those days. okay, never mind, there are just 6 more months to go. suffer now, enjoy later. yea? blah, gona pack my messy books already. sob sob.

2008-06-07T23:30:00.009+08:00

回忆当年

懵懵懂懂的我

傻傻的看上了你

只是个小小的招呼

点点的笑容
像个疯子似的
兴奋得不得了

直到那天

很突然的来到我班
惊讶的我，不知所措
就这样为我们掀开了第一段漫长的故事

故事拖了两年之多
却再也没想到
之间挫折重重
分分合合
太多理由

如今

故事最终还是得画上个顿点
至于以后是否会有何变化
已不在掌控之中

听说过吗？

要在对的时候遇上对的人
才会是一对最幸福的恋人

2008-06-07T18:58:00.003+08:00

phew, just back from pyramid. super crowded today, cause of the summer splash thingy at lagoon. many young people gathered around there. this morning daddy came into my room and asked whether i wanna follow them as they're going to california. thought of wanting to go to popular, so i went. stayed at popular for about one and a half hours, bought some books. though there are more variety of books at popular, but the condition is not that good to read as compared to parade's mph. it's kind of messy and noisy. after parents finished doing gym, we went for a little shopping, i bought a bag, a
very normal one. was thinking to use for tuition. and a cheap watch. haha. weird eh. i dont wear watch actually, dont even have one for dont know how many years already. mummy always asks me to buy a good one, and it can last longer. but i dont wear expensive watches. simply dont like it. i would rather buy a cheaper one, nice still, and i can always renew when it stops working. cheap watches always spoil easily. haha. then we went for dinner, korean again. still super full now, and quite tired actually.

2008-06-06T15:56:00.006+08:00

guess what? today i woke up at 6.45am! damn geng rite. haha. daddy knew i couldnt wake up, as i had to go out at 8. so he disturbed my sweet dream before he's out for work. went to yao zhong's house for NIE discussion. supposedly 5 persons in a group, pek cant make it, so left 4 of us. but at last, i reached there the earliest, although half an hour late. and then only got to know phuah not coming, whereas kei... came for the ending half an hour... lol, okay, at least she came. actually we didnt really discuss much. we haven started anything yet. and you know what? the dateline is on the 13th of july, which is we have to hand up this stupid thingy by next tuesday. in order to get our 10 marks in the next english paper, and a free regular pan pizza which is not important at all. phew, it's compulsory to do this project every year. just dont know why, meaningless plus time consuming. 3 posters have to be done, and the theme is "going green". what a boring title. i remember last year's theme was visit malaysia 2007. it was much more interesting and there were more ideas we could relate about. by the way, every year's free pan pizza coupon is a waste for me. i'd never use any of them. even lost it or been thrown to somewhere else. and it's impossible for me to win this competition as well. in conclusion, NIE is totally useless. but still, we are forced to complete it. grrr.

discussion ended at about 10. i was totally exhausted, took a little nap immediately before my piano lesson. and... here, i dreamed something... weird. it was short yet contented. erm, the dream was quite messy. but, the thing that made it special was.. he's there in the dream. and it was my very first time ever to dream about him. it was like just a few minutes i guess. but that was the most memorable part of all. although it's a bit weird, we were like so close to each other. the scene was quite sweet, his kiddy actions were adorable. haha. anyway, it was just a dream, truly dream. and "ding dong~" here comes teacher winnie. she bought a new piano book for me. which it's composer is J.S. Bach. she says later will be the Beethoven's one. and that is what im more interested in. practised the two songs that jun liang requested. home karaoke, as usual. following by violin lesson. i played quite okay for today.

friday night, went singing class as usual, what different was jun liang's pretty girlfriend didnt come today. haha. after finished teaching, chatted with him quite long in the room. hrm, he talked a lot about his background and stuff. and told me about my future thingy. he was trying to lead me and explaining stuff like a big brother. haha. and he's definitely a good one. lol. actually today should be the last day of lesson. as next week school starts adi. but then, might have a little changes. i guess i'll still continue the lesson. and i wanna start a serious class with him adi. that is, next class maybe will go to his house or his music school to learn. but not the usual old place already. cause that place is actually not suitable for me, he says. i like him as a vocal teacher. he's really a good one. friendly and polite. haha. today saw his wearing. walau. i think he always goes gym one. muscles damn geng. got longkang some more. hahaha. better than me eh. lol! after that, me and mummy went to pick up daddy at pyramid, and then we went for supper at mc'd till 12 plus. off home.

2008-06-04T23:37:00.000+08:00

time is passing super fast, zoom! one week gone. zoom! two weeks gone. feel like very meaningless, i do nothing. planned to study, end up relaxing. his words suddenly appear in my mind. sigh. another boring day, very tired. even though adi slept for bout 2 hours this evening. actually since that day, E gave me a bad image adi. dont know y. sometimes i just dont really like the way he talks to me. especially when he talks about those thingy. even worse when i read the old messages in my phone. but still, we remain as normal friends. bought some workbooks today. it's june adi, i really cant imagine how my results will be if im still slacking around not starting to prepare. as john quek says, starting from june, there will be left only 5months till spm. average 10 subjects per person, divided by 5 months, it left 2 weeks per subject for revision. students went like, wow. anyway, it's better to have 14 days to revise 1 subject than procrastinate until 3 days per subject rite. 3 more months to go till my piano practical exam and theory exam. kind of worried about that. pass is at least a must for me. im finding a piano score, beethoven's turkishcher march. that day heard teacher alan played. it was very nice. i found a few, but they seemed like much different from what i wanted. hrm, never mind.

2008-06-04T17:11:00.012+08:00

as what i expected, i overslept! gosh. some more purposely set 3 alarms in my phone, 8am, 8.30am and 9am. plus, a clock's alarm at 8.15am. omg, i slept like super sweet. suddenly the phone rang, "he..llo..."
"hi, yan rite? i told u today's lesson will be at 9.30am rite? are you at home now? seems like no one answering the doorbell."
my first reaction, "oh my god! pls wait for a while, im coming!" shocked. it's 9.40am. immediately jumped up from bed and changed my pyjama, not even washed up. so damn uncomfortable during the whole lesson. lol! and everything went fine, the pieces.. the oral.. i like teacher alan more than teacher winnie, he's funny. haha. and he's much better in teaching, more professional. always laugh when i see his nervous look. hehs.

then i went for lunch with teng and his friends. and hanged in subang parade for a short while. bout 2.30pm, there goes my chinese society meeting, at burger king. the whole meeting was super noisy. pple separated into two gangs, one agree, and another disagree. arguments, scolding and shouting. everything went like super messy lor. sigh, some more already short of time to prepare for this activity, talent competition. we decided to invite malaysia singer, but some of them think that we couldnt handle the thing well, as this will be a big activity, if we didnt do well, whole thing is like, ruined. anyway, we still carry on with this idea. and try to make it a success. actually i think rite, the problem now is, the committees are not united. that's why we always fail in doing those kind of big programs.

the meeting ended at around 4pm. me and few friends are supposed to continue our discussion about NIE. but two girls missing. so it's been canceled, and will find some other time for it. actually wanted to ask whether he's around there or not. so that can meet up a while, cause it's been quite a while since i last saw him. but at last, ala, nvm lah. mum's arriving also. and BOO! reached home. super tired. rain is falling super big again, with loud thunders some more. having tuition later, chemistry. sigh. super sian. tomorrow might be quite busy also. haiz, damn desperate to go chiongk with my friends lor! was planning since before holidays till now, and it's going end of holidays adi. walau, sian de lor. cause this week hardly have free time. sigh. last week free like hell, but too bad, kei went for holidays in singapore. really miss form4 life man. my honeymoon year. like almost every week going out, hanging around with friends, damn enjoying life one. nothing much to worry. but now, omg lor.. the worst year of all. what to do, spm year. cannot go out, cannot play much, study is the only thing keep appearing in my mind yet not doing it. sigh, just cant start my engine.

2008-06-03T23:16:00.005+08:00

he called, again. we discussed alot bout those things. he said i've fallen for *him. i answered, i dont know. seriously, i'm not sure. but he thought that i didnt wanna admit. nvm. he says i used to have those "baby" voices when im talking to him. maybe, but i dont think it's any big deal. he thinks that i still have a lil feelings on him. actually not at all. but i know, he's nearly a perfect husband-to-be. haha. even my mum likes him. wow. something totally shocked me. and he's damn excited bout it. lol. he has changed alot since we first met. just dont know why, after all the breakups and couples, most of all, the arguments, the old feeling has gone. i say we can remain as friends, but he doesnt want to. he says he couldnt stand only friendship with me. nothing much i can do. anyway, i've rejected his wish, once again. time is not right at all, i told him.

today's tuition was quite boring. the airconds were cold like hell. hardly can write. summore raining heavily out there. it has been raining continuously for three days. some pple might hate rainy days. but for me, no harm after all. i prefer cold rather than hot lor. simply dont like sweating. sigh. tomorrow have to wake up early in the morning. it's been like a week since i woke up that early. what to do, holidays arent always available. will be super tired when school starts. and here left 5 more days to enjoy life. phew.

2008-06-02T22:22:00.004+08:00

since like about one month not keeping in touch with him. till yesterday night, he called me. yeah, we started to chat like old friends. talking about his happening days and mine. nothing special until he told me about his feelings. i was quite shocked at first. never thought bout it. cause he sounded so "nothing". when he asked me, i didnt giv any straight responds. and topic changed immediately. sigh. dont know why, *he suddenly appeared in my mind at that moment.

today's mood is really down. many problems stuck in my mind, cant figure it out. sigh. played very bad in piano lesson. damn frustrated when teacher keep asking me to repeat and repeat for just the two bars. sigh. sometimes i wonder, what's that actually in his mind. i dont like this feeling. im so lost and confused. maybe im the only one who actually think that much. maybe this is how he communicates with girls. im just too sensitive. i rejected everyone's opinions and keep telling them and myself we are not what they think. always. cause i know we are not meant to be. keep stopping myself. yeah, i succeed. but not in these two days, i totally failed. everything burst at once and all i get is simply heartache. worse is, i cant even talk to anyone bout it. i find nobody. except this, lifeless blog. as usual, i write, and write.

2008-05-31T23:52:00.008+08:00

went mamak with my family. dinner. at first we were quite happy chatting about stuff. then brother went yamcha with frens. so parents and I were off too. didnt know how me and my mother started this conversation. in the car. and we started to argue. hardly wiped off my little tears in the dark. right into my room once reached home. as usual, hiding in the blanket. sobbing.

i know they've wasted a lot of money on me. cause i'm the one who learn the most things compared to sis and bro. sometimes i feel guilty too. but they just cant understand. i didnt want it to be like this. yeah. it's always easier to say than to do. i did try my best. but you never see. i'm not a supergirl as you always think. my piano sucks. no matter how hard i practise. it will never be a success. i didnt wish to be like this either. you never know, i wasted lotsa tears just because of this. i was unhappy when i got to know i failed last year. i know it's a waste of money to retake this exam again. maybe to say that, i just dont have the talent in piano. but still, i know i have to at least get a grade8 certification. i like violin. no matter how, i will complete the course. i know it's not a small deal to replace a 7000 ringgit violin to continue a higher grade. u think i dont seem to care. i was the one who wanted to learn violin at the beginning. and i will never give up. but you always think that. uh, i'm not serious at all. how if i give up half way. money wasted. phooh! i'm not blaming anything. i can understand what you think. i've thought about it too. it's not a small amount for all those stuffs. then what can i do? stop everything? sigh. sometimes i also need a little support. it will be much better than keep saying that i fail in everything and predicting i'm not going to do good in exams or whatever. sigh.

i miss my sister. how good if she's here beside me. comforting me and helping me. wipe off my tears. bring me out kai kai, buy things for me. sigh. feel like damn lonely lor. no one understands me. i have nobody to talk to. sigh.

2008-05-31T02:55:00.002+08:00

BOO! my brand new blog! fourth one. haha. wonder y do i need so many blogs. by the way, this is my very first time blogging in english. weird eh? not really used to it actually. as my other blogs are packed with chinese words.

quite interested in that singing course thingy. heard jun liang talking bout it and explaining how things will be going if i really wana join. the classical type, training, vocal exams... then will join the choir. going around for performances. sound interesting huh. remember last year's christmas. saw them performing christmas songs in pavillion. it was really nice. was discussing with mum. she's right. maybe i should make it later. as will be quite busy when school reopens. my timetable is packed like hell. nowhere to squeeze this thingy in. might wait after spm. still long way to go. sigh.

purposely went to mph today. violin lesson has canceled. or will be rotting at home again. simply like the condition over there. subang parade's mph. dont know y. but i find peaceful there. i dont mind sitting there whole day to read. haha. better than staying at home. doing nothing. there was this guy.sze hau? suddenly popped out in my msn and said he saw me in subang parade this afternoon. in sushi king summore. i stoned. dont even know who is him. think twice. I SEE. there was only ONE guy customer in sushi king. lol. but obviously, a stranger to me. finally got some infos. ex-form5 student. said he knew me from. waikit or pekcheng. weird. anyway, just a new friend.

hrm. wonder y he always talks bout him. although i act as it's nothing. er.. or to say that, it's actually true also. but then, dont know why there was still a lil happiness in me when he told me about that thingy. plus. a little jealousy. omg. feelings that i shouldn't have. anyhow. i'll still stick with what i think. as i know too much, maybe. i know he's not the kind that i wanted. yeah. hope so.

sleepy adi. gona sleep with mummy tonight. daddy went to singapore for work. or mummy will be lonely. hahah. know she wants me to sleep with her though. heh. it's real late adi. yawnsss.